Something Greater

Have you ever felt as though you were meant for something greater? I am beginning to wonder if this is a common feeling for people or if it is just me. I have spent my life feeling as though I was created for something big! Something great! I just assumed that everyone felt this way. As I take a closer look at people and how they live their lives, I begin to wonder if this restless feeling is not as common as I thought it was. No matter where I am in my life, this suffocating feeling quickly seems to follow. Every adventure I find myself on only brings excitement temporarily. Soon, that desire to do something great creeps back into my soul.

I am almost 26 and I have done nothing that really makes me proud of myself. God created me for something amazing and I know deep down that I have not accomplished his goal. People tell me that I am doing great things for kids and others but somewhere down deep I can't seem to shake this feeling. I believe that what is meant to be will be so I believe that I am in this place for a reason but something just doesn't feel right. I know that I need to have faith in his plan. I also know that I need to take a leap of faith.

I am a dreamer. I always have been. I don't really know anyone who dreams like I do. Most people I know are very grounded and realistic. Some times I feel as though I should just pull my head out of the clouds, but then, I wouldn't be me. There is a realist in me that is very scared to take the leap to make my dreams come true. What if I fail? What if I make a fool of myself? What if my plan isn't what God wants me to do? Too many times my "what if" thoughts cloud my mind and I let fear take over. Then all I am left with is the safe choice. I just want to leave this place knowing that I gave every bit of me to help make others happy. I have been blessed with a such a wonderful family and support team. I know deep down in my soul that God created me to make lives better. I just need to find the way to make that happen. I don't think I will be happy until I fulfill my purpose.

So you probably are wondering how this blog is inspirational. Well to most of you it might not be. I am in pain right now because I feel like I am wasting my strengths and true calling. What I hope you take from this is not my pain, but instead to evaluate yourself and where you are in your life. Do you have a purpose that is being wasted? Are you giving all that you can for God? Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily stresses that we forget why we were put on this earth. If you have forgotten why, please take the time to look deep within yourself and uncover your purpose. Then go out and make it right!

A little Bit Stronger

OK so I have to admit that I have a weakness. This weakness has burdened me for too many years. I'm sure many of you will be able to relate to this. My burden is.....shocker...a man! Well if that is what you would call him. He is basically the most selfish and damaged person I have ever met. Unfortunately I have been addicted to him for over 8 years. I have felt this gravitational pull towards him and have never been able to figure out why I just can't walk away, when he has never offered me anything worth my time. In all the years that I have listened to his problems and fixed his life, he has only brought me one thing; heartache!

Now I promise this blog is not about me venting (although this does feel really good). I am actually writing about a song that spoke to me today. I have a feeling that there are many people who have shared my experience or feelings towards some man in their life. If this is the case, and you have been working hard to move past him, you need to listen to the song "A Little Bit Longer," by Sara Evans. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4f3c8wC8Qs

This song gives us hope. Some days I feel so stupid for letting him slip back into my life and break my heart again. I get so down on myself for being weak, that my heartache is no longer about him. It is in me being disappointed in myself. I get mad because I didn't say, "no" to him and walk away. My frustration is not with him, it's with myself for allowing him to waltz back into my life and make me question my worth and desirability. This song tells me that even when I am at my weakest moment with him and I'm crying over his text message or thinking of him while listening to a song, I am still getting a little bit stronger. I need to be proud of every stride I make in the opposite direction of him. Because each stride away from him, takes me towards someone real. This song makes it OK to admit that this person has impacted your life. This person has made his way into your heart and will forever have changed the way it feels. I find myself trying to make excuses for how I feel and say that it was nothing and I am stupid for ever feeling that way and that soon I will feel nothing for him, when deep down I can feel that he meant something real to me. I appreciate that this song validates those feelings, even when he may have not respected them.

I hope this song can do for you what it has done for me. It reminded me how strong I am and that there comes a time when this pain gets easier and that no matter how many times I may feel like I have stepped back into that torturous place I am still getting stronger. Every day I am getting closer to being free of self-doubt and closer to being in the right place emotionally for my true love to find me!

Stand

I just heard a song by Shawn Stockman called, "Stand." I immediately got goose bumps and needed to share this song and the message I got from it.

This song sends a message to me and I dedicate it to anyone that is broken down and feeling hopeless. For the people that feel as though they don't have anything to wake up for. The ones who think they lack purpose. For those that don't have a sholder to cry on or a hug to fall into. This song tells us that even at our darkest hour, when we feel all alone, we always have someone to turn to. God is always on our side and he is always right next to us, waiting to lift us up and help us find our purpose once again.

Living with out a sense of purpose or meaning has to be the most difficult burden to carry. Questioning what you are doing with your life, or wondering why you are surrounded by tragedy and no light to shine on you. At some point you begin to feel smothered with failure and depression that the easiest and only option seems to be...stay down. But this song reminded me that even though laying down and sheltering yourself from the storm seems like the only solution, it isn't.

Sometimes even though it seems impossible, just standing up is the first step in improving your life. Just using what strenght is left in your body and soul to get up and move forward is all it takes. My challenge for anyone going through this experience is to dig deep down and find that ounce of strength left in you and know that nothing is bad enough to keep you down! Stand up and take this life head-on. God will never leave you alone and will never let you fall!