My Symphony

I have been trying to figure out why I feel so restless. Everyday it is a struggle to feel as though I'm living my life with purpose. I have small moments when I find myself smiling or when I take a deep breath and feel the oxygen completely filling my lungs. This moment, although lasting only a second, reminds me of how I used to be and how I want to be again.

I can't explain to anyone let alone myself why I am unhappy. I have many reasons that on default I provide people who ask: "I really want a job, I want to be in a relationship, I want to lose weight, I want to have an adventure...." And the list goes on and on and on. But is there one specific issue, or am I so extremely swamped with uncertainty and want in my life that I have finally given up? Now I don't mean I am giving up on life but maybe the I'm letting the possibility of me being happy slip through the cracks. I have been trying to find a way to explain to myself and others this issue I am facing. What am I feeling? What am I scared of ? What is it that I really want in life to make me happy? Do I even know anymore what I want? I have been feeling so restless that I just throw out ideas like leaving the country, moving to Texas, moving to Bellingham, or just trying to make it as a musician. Finally I am deciding to slow myself down and make some choices. One step at a time. I cannot be irrational with my life. I am a logical thinker and planner, I have always been this way and I always will be.

So the song that has spoken to me through this process is, "Symphony" by Marie Digby. You can find it at www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xa-cSOFv_nQ If I had to say in words all of my thoughts and fears that are contributing to my restless and useless feelings I have had this song would be the perfect fit. Please listen to this song. You might find comfort and inspiration through its lyrics. Whenever I blast this in my car, I feel motivated to finally make something amazing happen for me. I went to a memorial service this weekend and found myself wondering what people would say about me once I die. I want them to list the amazing accomplishments and adventures I have had. In order to make this happen, I have to write my own symphony and I can promise this, it is going to be a show stopper.

Today's challenge...start writing your own symphony and make it beautiful!!!